kiddos update

So considering it's been forever and a day since I updated about the kids, I figured I'd better do it now.

Stephen is almost 3 now! June 7th baby. I can't believe it's gone by as fast as it has. Really doesn't make any sense. He talks in sentences and knows far too many words for his own good. He can count on his own up to 8 I think (or maybe it's ten, I'm not sure). He knows ALL his ABCs. Knows his colors and shapes too. James has been a very good teacher. ♥

He is still ridiculously obsessed with Cars. Sadly (though I'm not really crying over it), he broke the DVD about a month ago so we've been mostly Cars free. He still has to sleep with his toy cars at night though. Not to mention, he finally got in a big boy bed about two months ago and he ADORES it. It's a giant red racecar Tikes bed, which takes up over half of his tiny room but we don't even care. Both kids love it so much, how could we say no to that?

For the most part, he gets along well with Audrey. He's not very good at sharing his favorite toys though (which at the moment, is the umbrella stroller. Yeah I don't get it either).

He also has a "girlfriend" at church, Vickie. They both love each other and he's constantly giving her hugs and saying "I love Vickie." But what makes it even more hilarious is that Vickie has a younger sister who is like her mini-me. Her name is Lizzy but Stephen just calls her "Baby Vickie" or "Little Vickie". :)







See, he's pushing a baby doll and his mac truck in the stroller. ♥

Audrey's growing up quickly too! She walks EVERYWHERE. And she talks a lot, more than Stephen ever did at this age. I don't think he even said dada and knew what it was till 16-17 months. Audrey's 16 months now and she's been talking steadily for a month. I think she's up to maybe 10+ words? Here's the list (at least what I can remember, she learns fast):

mommy
dada
hi
hello
bubble
ball
baby (her fav word)
Elmo (her 2nd fav word)
duck
fish
chicken
cookie
papa

She goes to the high chair to tell you she's hungry and to the front door to tell you she wants to go play outside. She's OBSESSED with babies. Real or dolls, doesn't matter she loves them all. It's hilarious.

i will rise

I posted about Layla Grace and her fight against cancer on March 8.

On March 9, I stayed home sick from work. Around 10 am, I checked my twitter-and Layla's mom had posted that Layla had died earlier that morning. My heart broke.

I had prayed SO HARD for this little girl to be healed in this life. And I knew that God had the ability to take away the cancer. I don't understand why He didn't. I'll probably never understand till I die and I can ask Him face to face. But that's okay. I know He sees the bigger picture. I know He never left Layla's side. I know He suffered right along with her.

I was lucky enough to be able to go to her memorial/celebration service, which was in Katy (bout an hour and a half away). So glad I went. I did wind up being 20 minutes late so I missed her dad speaking (DANG IT) but luckily enough, someone posted part of his speech on facebook.

Life is a big, huge beach and we’re all standing somewhere along it, some closer to the water line and some farther back. God has given us all different tools to build with in the sand. Some people have shovels and buckets, some rakes and some spoons, but everyone has something different in size or shape. Some people immediately go to work and build a huge sand pile so that everyone around them can say “Wow, that’s a big sand pile, good job.” Some people cast their tools aside and relax to enjoy their surroundings. Some people look at what tools they have in their hands and turn to their neighbor to ask “Can I use this to help you build something?”

And all the while, the tide comes in and out, nibbling at the things that have been built. Layla’s role on this beach was to run through the edge of the water, splashing and laughing, touching and inspiring each person that she could reach before the tide took her out. Think about your own tools that God’s given you and decide how you are going to use them going forward. How will each of us use our tools before the tide comes in? If we all use our tools to help others, then Layla’s life will continue to have meaning.

I did get there in time, however to hear the pastor's message, which was so perfect. The entire time I've followed Layla's story, I've asked myself "Why this girl? Why is she affecting me so much? What is it about this 2 year old girl that's touched thousands of people across the world?" It didn't make any sense.

Then the pastor shared this: We all seem to have moments in our lives that make a huge impact on us. It's these moments, sometimes seemingly random ones, where God is reaching down from heaven, putting both hands on the side of our face and going "LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO WHAT I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU. PAY ATTENTION." And that clicked for me. What has God been trying to tell me through this precious little girl?

When my kids are stressing me out, I stop. And I think "I'm lucky to have them at all." When I sing worship songs now, they're not just words. It's not just a melody. I think about what I'm singing and how very true it is. I realize more and more how prevalent God's hand is in everything and how He truly can move mountains. I think most of all, I've learned how to feel. I am so bad about shutting down my emotions and just going through the motions. Layla cracked that wall I was putting up. I'm struggling not to cry right now as I type this. How insane that God would use a toddler to do so much!

I can't wait till I'm called home and I can finally meet this little girl in person. I was so lucky to meet her mom at the celebration service and all I could manage to say was thank you. This family didn't have to share their daughter with the world the way they did. But they let the world in and as a result, lives have been changed. How much more powerful could God become in our lives if we would just be obedient? How many lives could be changed if we would just answer His calling?

you said I know that this will hurt

If you're pretty active on facebook & twitter, you've probably heard of Layla Grace. If you haven't, click the link and read about her amazing story.

I've come across quite a few blogs of families dealing with childhood illness/death. Of course each one wrecks my heart but this one...this one hurts more than the rest. I don't know if it's because we're basically "watching" Layla die. I don't know if it's because I look at her pictures and I see facial expressions that mimic my own kids. All I know is I can't sing worship songs now without crying. I get sick when I read her updates-but I have to know if she made it through another day. And I can't stop praying for God to heal her.

I don't know why she's dealing with this or why she's suffering. I don't know why over 50,000+ people are praying that she be healed-and it's looking like she's going to die soon. I don't have answers to that.

But I know that God has not once stepped away from this. I know that it's not what He wants for her or her family-but He's carrying them through it. I know that He is more than able to heal her in this life. But for reasons unknown to us, He may not. And it doesn't mean He's failed. It doesn't mean He wasn't strong enough to heal her or that He's cruel. When she dies, she will be healed. What I'm learning from this is that death is not losing. God will take away this disease, just like we asked. But it may not be in the way that we want.

I have to remember that God sees the bigger picture when I don't. He understands. He knows how everything fits together and how one thing affects another. And He can take something as horrible as a two year old little girl dying from cancer-and make it beautiful. If you read through the comments on her facebook or her website, you'll see comment after comment of people who have had their relationship with God strengthened or have started praying again or have even come to know Christ in the first place. People are donating money to cancer research and awareness about Neuroblastoma is getting out. Later on down the road, Layla's story may be the catalyst for a mandatory test for Neuroblastoma, one that could save thousands of children.

All because of a 2 year old girl. And a very great God.

happy birthday audrey!

This time last year I was home enjoying my new baby girl. I can't believe how insanely fast this past year has gone by. It's unreal. So in honor of my precious little girl, here's a pic spam. :)




My pregnancy with Audrey was so much easier on me (save for the pre-term labor scare I had at 6 months).



I had so many people swear up and down that she was boy. But I had a feeling the entire time it was a girl. I just knew!



After hearing all day Thanksgiving that I was going to give birth (and I wasn't even dilated at all), I figured everyone was stupid so I went to bed fully intending to do some Black Friday shopping the next day. Audrey had other plans though, as my water broke at 2:15 that morning. 11 hours later, she was here (via a perfect VBAC, if I do say so myself!).







Wearing one of my old baby outfits!



With my best friend Erin's son, Jackson. Future husband and wife! ;)













*faceplant*



my blueberry girl ♥





















FINALLY a picture of her Halloween costume (but I forgot to bring her wings). She was a candy corn fairy!





my birthday girl!!

And finally one from the party-she LOVED her cupcake. She stuck her hands in the icing, rubbed her hands together, then ran them through her hair like it was hair gel. She was completely pink, it was hilarious!



Love you sweet girl. I don't know how I got blessed with someone as precious and amazing as you but somehow I did. ♥

I fail at updating this thing, I know.

So let me tell you my awesome, amazing, crazy story from last night.

Went to check out at Wal-Mart with Stephen and the guy in front of me was taking forever and a day talking to the cashier. I just figured he knew her so in my head I'm thinking "OMG HURRY UP MISSING FRINGE." He finally leaves and the girls starts scanning myself. I walk up to pay and she leans over and goes "I'm not supposed to say anything but the guy in front of you just payed for your groceries."

OMG WUT?

She said he didn't want her to say anything until he was gone but that he bought a $50 giftcard and told her to use it on my stuff and if there was any left over on the card, to give it to me (almost $10 was left on it). I just started laughing, I couldn't believe it! The cashier said she's never had that happen before (and neither have I). Ya'll, I don't know who that guy was. He had a woman with him who I'm assuming was his wife but I'd never seen either of them before. I just can't believe this happened! It doesn't seem real! I'm definitely going to have to pay it forward.

It's crazy that in the past couple of months, God has been so obviously active in our lives. We're completely different people from who we were like, five months ago. It's like He's on a roll and it's just one thing after another-the random $500 in my account, the giftcard, James not having cancer when he so should've, etc. I guess I'm almost in shock? Like I almost don't know whether to believe it's all happening.

My friend Meredith told me "Jackie, do you realize the GOD OF HEAVEN reached down and physically put money in your bank account?!?" It blows my mind. He has never been so obvious to me before. I love it. I love watching Him work, I love what He's doing in my husband, I love that He answered an almost four year old prayer of having godly women friends-there are three women in particular at the church we started going to back in May who have blessed me SO much. We talk almost every day and they are just AMAZING. God did that. He did all of it. And it's unbelievable to me.

About the kids...

Stephen talks SO FREAKIN MUCH. Ya'll, he can go for 30 minutes straight. Without stopping. Of course, most of it consists of "race car" but I'll take it.

Audrey is going to be walking soon I think. Or at least sooner than Stephen did (14 months). I can't believe she's almost a year and almost a toddler! She won't be my little baby girl anymore! :( She's beautiful though. Absolutely gorgeous.

And that's really it. Excited for the holidays, especially with TWO kids!

4 years ago...

At this time 4 years ago, I was getting my hair done for my wedding. And trying not to freak out. ;)

Crazy the amount of stuff James and I have been through in just a few short years. And even crazier to think it's already been four years. We've been through countless jobs, apartments, bought a house, had two kids....I can only imagine what the next four years will bring.

It's been hard sometimes...VERY hard. There have been times where I wanted to give up and walk away. But I know it's worth it to work through those times. I'm seeing that now, where we're finally at a point where we've opened our eyes to what God wants to do with us and we're seeing His blessings.

I don't think I've ever shared how we met but I figured now would be a good a time as any! So if you care to read, here it is!

My senior year of high school, I had been out of church for about a year when my BF Kellie dragged me to a new church she was going to. I wound up kinda liking it and had been going for about two weeks when they announced the youth were going on a weekend mission trip to Dallas, to the church that had the youth rally shooting. We were just going to go and help clean up, etc.

I didn't know ANYONE in the youth group yet and my BF couldn't go. So believing that God wanted me to go for some reason, I went. Wound up sitting next to James in the van on the way there. He had some bizarre metal band t-shirt on and was just an all around jerk. Honestly. We played some trivia game on the way there and James told me my answer to one of the questions was "stupid." I was so embarrassed and couldn't stand him. Little did I know, he thought I was a snob because I wasn't talking to him!

I didn't really speak to him much after that. He told me after we got together that about two months later, I had gotten up to sing a solo at church one morning-and out of the blue he said it hit him, and he turned to his friend Brian and said "I'm gonna marry that girl." ♥

We wound up becoming friends and somehow it got back to me that he liked me. At the time, I had this ridiculous crush on another guy in the youth group). I also was on again/off again dating a guy from my school. James asked me to go to his school prom with him and I said yes but I remember being so terrified that he was going to make a move on me and I just did NOT like him like that. He wasn't my type.

He wound up taking me to one of the nicest restaurants in Houston for prom (we went with a bunch of his other friends). We went to prom and his friends' parents had rented a beach house for afterwards. I had so much fun, which I was surprised because I had expected to be uncomfortable the entire time. Then he took me home-and that's it. He was perfect gentleman the entire time. It was really nice.

I went off to college soon after, with James the furthest thought from my mind. Had a really hard first semester, it was such a change from what I had known. Towards the end, I was so disappointed with myself. I was so far from where I wanted to be. I came home for Christmas break and just prayed that God would change me-and for some reason, I prayed for a guy best friend. I'd never asked for that before but I'd always wanted one. I was so shy around guys that I wanted one I could be myself with and not feel so shy. My first semester I had the mindset of "I have to have a boyfriend" but after coming home for Christmas, I realized I didn't. And I really didn't want one either. I was perfectly content where I was in life.

My second semester was such a vast improvement, physically, emotionally, spiritually-and God answered my prayer for a guy best friend because somehow, me and James started emailing each other. I hadn't talked to him in months. But it soon got to where we were emailing each other several times a day. I looked forward to his emails. But even still, there was nothing romantic about it (at least on my end).

I came home at Easter break and James came over to my house to help me make a cake. I remember laughing and joking in my kitchen, both of us covered in flour. He asked me if I wanted to go take a walk out at the beach and even though I had warning signs going off in my head, I said yes.

He took me out on the jetties and told me he loved me. Said he saw qualities in me that he wanted in a wife. That he wanted to marry me and that he thanked God for me. I was floored. I mean, I knew he liked me and part of me even suspected it was more than just liking me-but to hear him say it out loud was crazy.

I opened my mouth, fully intent on telling him I was sorry, that I didn't feel the same way-when I felt a physical pressure on my chest and an audible voice telling me "Wait. You don't know what lies down that road." I have never experienced God quite like that, even to this day. But I've never doubted that it was Him.

I told James I'd pray about it because it was the only response I had. And I kept my word. I went back to school to finish out my last month of my freshman year and every single day, I prayed "God, Your will be done in this." I didn't know what else to pray.

I came home after my freshman year (suspended is more like it, made a 1.154 GPA that year) and went to watch James graduate high school (he's a year younger than me). Still wasn't feeling anything at all. Still had been praying but wasn't expecting anything to happen.

Till he walked in the room at his graduation party.

He was wearing a light blue button up shirt and khaki pants. He looked good. And my stomach dropped. I thought I was losing it. There was no way in the world I could be falling for James.

But I was. Over the next two weeks, we would be hanging out with the youth group and I couldn't stop looking at him. I remember driving to Taco Bell with him in the passenger seat next to me, some friends of ours in the back and this insane desire to just grab his hand. I had to fight with myself not to actually do it.

I wound up realizing that God was changing my heart. So I told James a few days before my 19th birthday that I was falling for him. He gave me this look like I had gone crazy, he couldn't believe it. He told me he had all but given up on me.

We went to our youth pastor's house and sat on their couch till late in the night and talked everything out with them-how we felt, where we saw ourselves going with it, what we should do. We became a couple half an hour before I turned 19. :)

I love our story. I love that God's hand is so prevalent in it. And I love that He's not done with us. I've seen where He's brought us, I can't wait to see where He takes us.

updating because Denisha told me to

Stephen:

He's almost 27 months now and talking up a storm! He catches on so quickly and repeats everything we say-sometimes that's not a good thing. ;) He's developed an obsession with Elmo and the Disney Cars movie. He watches both several times a day and can quote them. He's an alright eater but still nowhere near as good as he used to be. But he's getting better, especially now that he can eat with a fork and spoon. If I can just get him to drink more water instead of juice, I'll be happy. He also is in LOVE with his cousin Abby (who's 4). He always asks for her, follows her around when he's with her, etc. Very cute.



CRAZAY

Audrey:

She's 9 months now and just started crawling. We're still nursing, which is going well. She's a better eater now too, I guess she's finally gotten used to solids. Tried her on Gerber puffs the other week and she was not impressed. She is definitely a drama queen though-I remember at this age, Stephen was smacking himself in the face with toys or falling on his face when trying to crawl-he would just get back up and keep going, it didn't even phase him. Audrey however, screams and cries anything something even brushes against her wrong. She's such a girl. ;) She's a sweetheart though, but VERY attached to me. The absolute SECOND I walk through the door when I get home, she has to have me pick her up or she throws a fit. She's easygoing but yet, more work than Stephen was.



Her face for the past month (not kidding, her tongue has been out 24/7 for weeks)

James:

He's been staying home with the kids full-time but has started doing a few cakes on the side. He does a monthly birthday cake for my work and every month, gets better and better! He's really enjoying it so we're hoping it takes off. He really is talented! He also made some GOOD tamales about two weeks ago-so if you want some, I'm sure he'll be making more. :)

Me:

Job is good, though I do still wish it was closer to my house. Am hoping to take a dance class one night a week, I eventually hope to maybe teach some lessons on the side. Also trying to get more photography practice in. Hoping to start the alternative certification program to get my teaching certificate next month. I'm actually excited, which I can't believe considering I've been dismissing the idea of teaching for the past 7 years!