i will rise

I posted about Layla Grace and her fight against cancer on March 8.

On March 9, I stayed home sick from work. Around 10 am, I checked my twitter-and Layla's mom had posted that Layla had died earlier that morning. My heart broke.

I had prayed SO HARD for this little girl to be healed in this life. And I knew that God had the ability to take away the cancer. I don't understand why He didn't. I'll probably never understand till I die and I can ask Him face to face. But that's okay. I know He sees the bigger picture. I know He never left Layla's side. I know He suffered right along with her.

I was lucky enough to be able to go to her memorial/celebration service, which was in Katy (bout an hour and a half away). So glad I went. I did wind up being 20 minutes late so I missed her dad speaking (DANG IT) but luckily enough, someone posted part of his speech on facebook.

Life is a big, huge beach and we’re all standing somewhere along it, some closer to the water line and some farther back. God has given us all different tools to build with in the sand. Some people have shovels and buckets, some rakes and some spoons, but everyone has something different in size or shape. Some people immediately go to work and build a huge sand pile so that everyone around them can say “Wow, that’s a big sand pile, good job.” Some people cast their tools aside and relax to enjoy their surroundings. Some people look at what tools they have in their hands and turn to their neighbor to ask “Can I use this to help you build something?”

And all the while, the tide comes in and out, nibbling at the things that have been built. Layla’s role on this beach was to run through the edge of the water, splashing and laughing, touching and inspiring each person that she could reach before the tide took her out. Think about your own tools that God’s given you and decide how you are going to use them going forward. How will each of us use our tools before the tide comes in? If we all use our tools to help others, then Layla’s life will continue to have meaning.

I did get there in time, however to hear the pastor's message, which was so perfect. The entire time I've followed Layla's story, I've asked myself "Why this girl? Why is she affecting me so much? What is it about this 2 year old girl that's touched thousands of people across the world?" It didn't make any sense.

Then the pastor shared this: We all seem to have moments in our lives that make a huge impact on us. It's these moments, sometimes seemingly random ones, where God is reaching down from heaven, putting both hands on the side of our face and going "LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO WHAT I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU. PAY ATTENTION." And that clicked for me. What has God been trying to tell me through this precious little girl?

When my kids are stressing me out, I stop. And I think "I'm lucky to have them at all." When I sing worship songs now, they're not just words. It's not just a melody. I think about what I'm singing and how very true it is. I realize more and more how prevalent God's hand is in everything and how He truly can move mountains. I think most of all, I've learned how to feel. I am so bad about shutting down my emotions and just going through the motions. Layla cracked that wall I was putting up. I'm struggling not to cry right now as I type this. How insane that God would use a toddler to do so much!

I can't wait till I'm called home and I can finally meet this little girl in person. I was so lucky to meet her mom at the celebration service and all I could manage to say was thank you. This family didn't have to share their daughter with the world the way they did. But they let the world in and as a result, lives have been changed. How much more powerful could God become in our lives if we would just be obedient? How many lives could be changed if we would just answer His calling?