kiddos update

So considering it's been forever and a day since I updated about the kids, I figured I'd better do it now.

Stephen is almost 3 now! June 7th baby. I can't believe it's gone by as fast as it has. Really doesn't make any sense. He talks in sentences and knows far too many words for his own good. He can count on his own up to 8 I think (or maybe it's ten, I'm not sure). He knows ALL his ABCs. Knows his colors and shapes too. James has been a very good teacher. ♥

He is still ridiculously obsessed with Cars. Sadly (though I'm not really crying over it), he broke the DVD about a month ago so we've been mostly Cars free. He still has to sleep with his toy cars at night though. Not to mention, he finally got in a big boy bed about two months ago and he ADORES it. It's a giant red racecar Tikes bed, which takes up over half of his tiny room but we don't even care. Both kids love it so much, how could we say no to that?

For the most part, he gets along well with Audrey. He's not very good at sharing his favorite toys though (which at the moment, is the umbrella stroller. Yeah I don't get it either).

He also has a "girlfriend" at church, Vickie. They both love each other and he's constantly giving her hugs and saying "I love Vickie." But what makes it even more hilarious is that Vickie has a younger sister who is like her mini-me. Her name is Lizzy but Stephen just calls her "Baby Vickie" or "Little Vickie". :)







See, he's pushing a baby doll and his mac truck in the stroller. ♥

Audrey's growing up quickly too! She walks EVERYWHERE. And she talks a lot, more than Stephen ever did at this age. I don't think he even said dada and knew what it was till 16-17 months. Audrey's 16 months now and she's been talking steadily for a month. I think she's up to maybe 10+ words? Here's the list (at least what I can remember, she learns fast):

mommy
dada
hi
hello
bubble
ball
baby (her fav word)
Elmo (her 2nd fav word)
duck
fish
chicken
cookie
papa

She goes to the high chair to tell you she's hungry and to the front door to tell you she wants to go play outside. She's OBSESSED with babies. Real or dolls, doesn't matter she loves them all. It's hilarious.

i will rise

I posted about Layla Grace and her fight against cancer on March 8.

On March 9, I stayed home sick from work. Around 10 am, I checked my twitter-and Layla's mom had posted that Layla had died earlier that morning. My heart broke.

I had prayed SO HARD for this little girl to be healed in this life. And I knew that God had the ability to take away the cancer. I don't understand why He didn't. I'll probably never understand till I die and I can ask Him face to face. But that's okay. I know He sees the bigger picture. I know He never left Layla's side. I know He suffered right along with her.

I was lucky enough to be able to go to her memorial/celebration service, which was in Katy (bout an hour and a half away). So glad I went. I did wind up being 20 minutes late so I missed her dad speaking (DANG IT) but luckily enough, someone posted part of his speech on facebook.

Life is a big, huge beach and we’re all standing somewhere along it, some closer to the water line and some farther back. God has given us all different tools to build with in the sand. Some people have shovels and buckets, some rakes and some spoons, but everyone has something different in size or shape. Some people immediately go to work and build a huge sand pile so that everyone around them can say “Wow, that’s a big sand pile, good job.” Some people cast their tools aside and relax to enjoy their surroundings. Some people look at what tools they have in their hands and turn to their neighbor to ask “Can I use this to help you build something?”

And all the while, the tide comes in and out, nibbling at the things that have been built. Layla’s role on this beach was to run through the edge of the water, splashing and laughing, touching and inspiring each person that she could reach before the tide took her out. Think about your own tools that God’s given you and decide how you are going to use them going forward. How will each of us use our tools before the tide comes in? If we all use our tools to help others, then Layla’s life will continue to have meaning.

I did get there in time, however to hear the pastor's message, which was so perfect. The entire time I've followed Layla's story, I've asked myself "Why this girl? Why is she affecting me so much? What is it about this 2 year old girl that's touched thousands of people across the world?" It didn't make any sense.

Then the pastor shared this: We all seem to have moments in our lives that make a huge impact on us. It's these moments, sometimes seemingly random ones, where God is reaching down from heaven, putting both hands on the side of our face and going "LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO WHAT I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU. PAY ATTENTION." And that clicked for me. What has God been trying to tell me through this precious little girl?

When my kids are stressing me out, I stop. And I think "I'm lucky to have them at all." When I sing worship songs now, they're not just words. It's not just a melody. I think about what I'm singing and how very true it is. I realize more and more how prevalent God's hand is in everything and how He truly can move mountains. I think most of all, I've learned how to feel. I am so bad about shutting down my emotions and just going through the motions. Layla cracked that wall I was putting up. I'm struggling not to cry right now as I type this. How insane that God would use a toddler to do so much!

I can't wait till I'm called home and I can finally meet this little girl in person. I was so lucky to meet her mom at the celebration service and all I could manage to say was thank you. This family didn't have to share their daughter with the world the way they did. But they let the world in and as a result, lives have been changed. How much more powerful could God become in our lives if we would just be obedient? How many lives could be changed if we would just answer His calling?

you said I know that this will hurt

If you're pretty active on facebook & twitter, you've probably heard of Layla Grace. If you haven't, click the link and read about her amazing story.

I've come across quite a few blogs of families dealing with childhood illness/death. Of course each one wrecks my heart but this one...this one hurts more than the rest. I don't know if it's because we're basically "watching" Layla die. I don't know if it's because I look at her pictures and I see facial expressions that mimic my own kids. All I know is I can't sing worship songs now without crying. I get sick when I read her updates-but I have to know if she made it through another day. And I can't stop praying for God to heal her.

I don't know why she's dealing with this or why she's suffering. I don't know why over 50,000+ people are praying that she be healed-and it's looking like she's going to die soon. I don't have answers to that.

But I know that God has not once stepped away from this. I know that it's not what He wants for her or her family-but He's carrying them through it. I know that He is more than able to heal her in this life. But for reasons unknown to us, He may not. And it doesn't mean He's failed. It doesn't mean He wasn't strong enough to heal her or that He's cruel. When she dies, she will be healed. What I'm learning from this is that death is not losing. God will take away this disease, just like we asked. But it may not be in the way that we want.

I have to remember that God sees the bigger picture when I don't. He understands. He knows how everything fits together and how one thing affects another. And He can take something as horrible as a two year old little girl dying from cancer-and make it beautiful. If you read through the comments on her facebook or her website, you'll see comment after comment of people who have had their relationship with God strengthened or have started praying again or have even come to know Christ in the first place. People are donating money to cancer research and awareness about Neuroblastoma is getting out. Later on down the road, Layla's story may be the catalyst for a mandatory test for Neuroblastoma, one that could save thousands of children.

All because of a 2 year old girl. And a very great God.